Wanting the Impossible
by Bil
Summary: She knows she wants the impossible and she strives for it anyway; Simon thinks she's the most amazing woman in the world. Elizabeth/Simon. Oneshot.


**Wanting the Impossible  
**by Bil!

K+ - Angst, Romance – Simon/Elizabeth - Oneshot  
Summary: She knows she wants the impossible and she strives for it anyway; Simon thinks she's the most amazing woman in the world.  
Season: Two-ish.  
Spoilers: _Rising_, _The Intruder_.

Disclamer: Is it possible to serve an eviction notice to other people's characters when they refuse to leave your head?

A/N: Er, really don't know where this came from. Or why it wouldn't go away.

* * *

_What happens when an ordinary boy_  
_Loves an extraordinary girl?  
__Can he climb the stars to reach  
__Her extraordinary world?_

* * *

Simon thinks that she's the most beautiful woman in the world. It's the way she lights up with enthusiasm, the way she insists she can change the world, the way she refuses to back down and thus infects those around her with her own confidence that the world can be made into a better place. She _believes_, so adamantly and fervently that it takes his breath away, idealistic and innocent and intense. And yet at the same time her eyes, wide and glowing, are filled with laughter at herself and her impossible dreams.

She knows she wants the impossible and she strives for it anyway.

When she's around the rest of the world is background, nothing more than a painted black-and-white film frame designed solely to draw all attention to her, to the fire burning so brightly within her that it warms all those around her. The music, the people, the whole party, is just a means of framing her and making her stand out. She's larger than life, realer than real; vivid and vibrant and more alive than any other person he's ever met.

He can't bear the thought of never seeing her again, so he asks her on a date. She smiles, considers, agrees – and only then does he think to ask her name.

Elizabeth.

Simon is determined that he'll never let her go.

* * *

Simon thinks that she's the craziest woman in the world. She takes on more work in a year than any one person could possibly finish in a century, filling her days with teaching and negotiations and diplomatic missions until he's convinced she gets a minute's worth of life out of every second. Unlike the rest of humanity she has no idea how to surrender in the face of the impossible, she keeps going long after any sane person would have given up... and somehow she always succeeds. He wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it for himself.

Early in their relationship he used to beg her to take a break, certain that no one could push themself so hard for so long without breaking, but she only laughed. To her, he's come to understand, this isn't hard. It's as natural, as necessary, as breathing. He's mentioned she's crazy, right?

But he misses her when her work takes her away from him, sending her all around the world. On the news he'll hear of some new treaty, some bright and wonderful agreement that will make the world a better place, and though Elizabeth's name is never mentioned he knows that she was a driving force behind it. Because that's who she is, an idealist completely connected to reality, changing the world in big, practical ways. She comes back full of stories of the places she's been and half-veiled allusions to things she can't speak of, eyes alight with dancing delight in _doing_, and Simon never protests when she has to go away. He knows she needs it; the crusading spirit that fills her slender body demands nothing less of her and she needs to act, to get the need out of her system so that she can come back to him.

For she always comes back to him and he loves her for it. She makes even simple tasks exciting because of her exuberance, as if the rest of the world is going around half asleep and she's wide awake. When she's home his life seems so full of energy, so amazing. And yes, crazy too.

He comes in to find her and Sedge dancing around the living room, singing and barking to the radio, neither of them in tune but both of them giving the performance their all. And he leans against the door, watching her, and laughs because despite everything she is still so very human.

He's so glad she's in his life.

* * *

Simon thinks she's the most amazing woman in the world. A week ago she came home from Kuwait (he thinks) with a broken arm from when she was kidnapped by an anti-American group (he's deduced from cryptic utterances). It scares him sometimes just how little he knows about what she really does out there; it terrifies him to think that one day she might come back in a coffin and he'll never even know how she died. Yet despite it all she's already determined to go back as soon as possible, to continue to make a difference there. Her body may be here in America, but her heart is wrapped around the world. Simon is a doctor, he saves people's lives, and if told of his and Elizabeth's respective jobs most people would assume he was the one doing more to make the world a better place. But it's Elizabeth. Always Elizabeth.

Tomorrow, broken arm or no, she'll join a march to protest the failure of the US to pay its UN dues and by the end of the week she'll have embroiled herself in half a dozen other, lesser, disputes and have sorted most of them out through sheer personality.

And he'll help, because she'll look at him, eyes dancing and face aglow, her whole body lit up with that burning inner fire, and he won't be able to do anything but follow her. She's so determined to make a difference, to change the whole world. He used to think he had a firm, steadfast character but compared to her he has no strength, no conviction. He's in awe of her but he's never told her that because she doesn't see anything strange in how she lives. That, Simon thinks, is what makes her special. She can't imagine not changing the world.

He can't imagine not loving her.

* * *

Simon thinks that she's the bravest woman in the world. How can she be otherwise when she's just set off to lead an expedition to another galaxy?

He wants to be angry with her – if she truly loves him how can she leave him? – but he can't be angry because this is the part of her he fell for first, the burning, irresistible desire to be moving, changing, improving. The part of her that builds wings for a body never meant to fly, the part of her that lights up with the dream of the impossible, the part of her that is determined to change the world.

She can no more stop herself than a fire can keep from burning. That great passion within her has to be sent out into the world or it would consume her, and since he knows just how fierce the flame is that burns within her it should be no surprise that one planet, one galaxy, isn't enough to contain it.

Her leaving still hurts. The not knowing when she'll come back aches in his soul, the loneliness already building in his chest even before she's been gone a week. But she's told him the truth instead of leaving him to believe the cover story she said goodbye under. That's worth something, a gesture of trust, of love. She'll come back to him, the way she always does, having used up enough of that internal fire that she can live quietly for a space (as quietly as Elizabeth can ever live) without exploding with unused passion.

She'll come back.

* * *

Simon knows he's the greatest coward in the world.

She comes back to him with all the bright enthusiasm he loves, that vivid, incredible light in her eyes, full of the wonders and the horrors of her year away... And he can't touch her, can't get near her. The flame within her hasn't died down this time, the way it always did before after she'd been off changing the world, this time it's only been fuelled to greater heights.

And he realises now that all that passion, all that enthusiasm and fire that he loves in her, is never going to be aimed at him and would probably overwhelm him if it ever was. She's too busy embracing the world to focus solely on him and he's too selfish to share. She's too lost in a dimension of crusades and impossible dreams to notice one man with his feet set firmly on the ground.

He's jealous of a city. Envious of the way she can't imagine leaving Atlantis. She _wants_to go back to this world of war and strife. Even if she hadn't said so he could have heard it in the thrill in her voice, seen it in the way her eyes glow brighter than he's ever seen. She's found a place where she can make a difference, not just to the world, but to an entire galaxy. He knows she could never turn that down.

She wants him to return with her to her city but Simon suddenly understands that it could never work. He's been fooling himself all along. She's so much larger than life but he thought he could tie her down, bring her down to his level. Because he isn't what she is; he's ordinary and she's extraordinary, and the best he'll ever be able to do is try to make her into something less than what she is. He'd thought she needed to be tempered, needed to work the fire out of her system so she could settle down in peace. That was his mistake. What she needed wasn't peace but encouragement. She's found it, but not in him. She's found herself a company of heroes, of people just like her, and he can neither compete with that nor be a part of it. He can never give her what she needs, he could only ever make her into something she can never be. And she... she thinks he _is_something he can never be.

She's the sun and he's just a shadow on the ground.

So he lies to her, because he doesn't know how else to cut himself free. The truth of his own inadequacy is too awful to tell her, so he lies to her instead. He tells her he's met someone else (as if there could ever be anyone to compare to Elizabeth!) and he breaks his chains before he can lose the courage. It's easier (better, even) to hurt her than to have her disappointed in him. Easier to see the stricken look in her eyes than to admit that he can never be what she expects. That makes him a coward, yes, but he's not Elizabeth. He's not that strong, so he has to do it this way, because he's not what she thinks he is and he's not like she is, he can't risk trying to be something more: he's too afraid of failing. Not like her; she was never afraid of attempting the impossible.

But he's not her and he knows it now. She's better than he'll ever be and she deserves the chance to find her full potential, to become what he could never help her to be. And so, although it breaks his heart, Simon lets her go.

He sets her free.

_Fin_


End file.
